tales from the surviving straight spouse

Holy, Wholly, Holey

Today is son #2’s confirmation.

I feel nauseous.

Though I have been asking all year about catechism and what is next for son #2, DD has been evasive.

He told me 8 days ago that son #2 is making his confirmation today.  Confirmation preparation takes two years.  For two years, he  lied.

So, my sister and brother-in-law who are his god parents can’t make it because they didn’t have enough notice.  My parents will never go because my mom is afraid that she will attack him physically if she ever sees him again.  That’s a lot of anger for an 84 year old woman.

I hate that I do this to myself.  I hate that I continue to trust.  I could have called the church – but I keep hoping, wanting, believing that DD and I will be civil, truthful and kind towards each other.

I will have a talk with the religious director of St. Andrews and give her my address so that she can mail out to me the schedule.

I even facebook “friended” son#2’s catechism instructor in hopes of getting more information.  She told me that she did not know the schedule and that I should contact the head of religious education.  Huh?  You are their instructor and you don’t know what the schedule is?

I sit here typing and think – how many evil people are there – people who use something based on love to inflict pain on others?  Billions.

I want to be that person who is ever peaceful, ever kind but this situation is beyond comprehension.

His dedication to hurting me is impressive – it will be 23 years this September.  Twenty three fucking years.

Sometimes, I seriously consider moving away and just seeing the kids every once and a while.

When is it going to be my turn?

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