tales from the surviving straight spouse

Today I was reading about Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and veterans of the wars of the Middle East.  I wish I had more time in my life.  I’d become certified in three therapeutic practices – EMDR, FloorTime and ACT.  I feel like I would be spending more time getting certified that actually delivering therapy.  How many more years of working do I really have?  20?  30?  hopefully 25 at least.  It sucks having one shot at this.  Time is now like an acid, nothing can hold it and it burns quickly.

Today My Acceptance is this life may not change drastically, but I can control me.

Today My Commitment is to continue to pursue the truth and not give up.

I really wanted to give up the fight today.

I found out that DD has been going to a firing range and learning how to shoot a gun.  His behaviors and personality make it possible that he would purchase a gun and store it in his home.

My mind races with the crazy scenarios that occur in that house and what a deadly ingredient a gun would be to that mix.  I also think of DD’s repressed temper and that I firmly believe that one day he will snap completely and take everyone with him.  I can’t stay in that thought too long, though – it is pointless.

Thursday is son #2’s evaluation.  I am still in disbelief that the response was so incredibly poor regarding this.  By the time he will get to his evaluation to determine what he is being exposed to – it will be 5 weeks after I first contacted Child Protective Services.

Calm, breath, focus, here, now.

I am surprisingly at ease with the chaos – I am learning my limitations – in worry and in ability.  I can only process so much and change me.

send the juju – I am working on what I need to say to the doctor on Thursday.

Please , this time let there be a balance in the world in which I am the one who is believed.

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