Last night I had the strangest dream.
I was living in the same house with DD. Our youngest son was there and we were fighting. I had confronted him because his lawyer had told me that he had plans to stab me and I reminded him about duty to warn. He pointed a shot gun at me and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. Oh, how he laughed. I told him it wasn’t funny. I began to pack my bags and leave. Our youngest son was crying so hard – I couldn’t take him with me, I wasn’t allowed. When I was at my car, he came running out of the house, very sad and upset. He had read a letter I had hidden for him and it opened his eyes to how evil he was. He begged me to stay, saying he would stop being so awful. I woke up, crying.
Today I received a note from DD requesting that I come to probation with him because they messed up alimony and child support. His lawyer submitted 3 different court orders that each had to be corrected and refiled for probation to pay for alimony and child support. His alimony and child support payments were 10-14 days late every payment since June – with one check bouncing.
I think of spending 3 years asking to change the child visitation and six years of asking for the alimony and child support checks. Only once did he ever actually give me a check on his own – and that was in front of his sister who always was extremely rude to me. I don’t know what that was about. I think of our son with his shaved scrotum. I think of our other son calling me in tears because he’s been left home with his big brother and no adult supervision – again!
I think of all of that and so much more and I wish I was a bitch. He thinks I’m a bitch – why not just be one…
I’m not, though. I am me. I can be annoying, sometimes I talk too much or too loud. I don’t always make the best intellectual connections that others seem to do so easily.
I will answer tomorrow night sometime. That’s as bitchy as I can be.
I wish I could get that image of our youngest crying and him holding the shot gun to my chest out of my head. Now, that is some crazy shit symbolism there.